The first is an oldie but goodie.

1. A random phone number from upstate New York calls to tell you, “Amy Swift! You’ve won a cruise! Just stay on the line to collect your prize with our customer service specialist!” Who thinks this still works…and if it does, and only on the elderly or infirm, are you really getting an ROI on this mockery of direct sales?!

2. The second is a new tactic that goes like this (at least when he calls me):
“Hey Amy it’s Rob calling back from First Finance” …dude calling back? We’ve never – ever – talked… “Just wanted to follow up on that small business loan we talked about” oh yes that we talked about…never “and make sure you make the deadline to get your paperwork in…” …oh yes! All my paperwork that I don’t have… 
This familiar, level-jumper approach is designed to fool someone (it’s hard to imagine who)  into thinking we have an established relationship. It’s pretty hilarious to hear these people play the ‘casual, busy agent just doing his job and I promise you we aren’t strangers’ routine.

3. The third is the lowly sandwich board. All a sandwich board does for an establishment is make it look like it’s the kind of place with Ladies Night or Dollar Taco Tuesdays. And maybe that’s the mission and audience. But most establishments use it as a way to hook a passerby into a meal or drink – and many are probably decent places. Unfortunately the fold-over-sidewalk-sign discredits before the conversation even begins. Why? ‘Cause mostly it’s tacky, in neon writing, and leads with price.

As much as a certain type of guy will still make comments when you walk down the street or as he passes by in his Camaro, a certain kind of business will always think mediocre strategies will yield extraordinary results. But we’re all getting smarter, more exhausted by the marketing noise, and so much less tolerant of idiotry.
It all used to upset me. #whybother #stopwastingmytime #dontcallmycellphone There’s  a lot to be upset about in the world. Bad marketing should be the least of it. But for me, it pushes buttons. Isn’t it nice, as a small business owner, to put something more thoughtful into the world? Gosh we’re awesome (nothing like a little superiority to get you going on a Tuesday.)

Go forth …and say it better!