Amy Swift Crosby

The other day a small business owner (a man), noted how much my blog seems to “feel his pain.” I liked the compliment but then had to ask — “do you think it’s too dark? Do I share too much about the struggle versus the joy?” We had a good conversation about how there are plenty of inspirational slogans and memes and hero-driven, blue-sky press profiles of successful entrepreneurs, to say nothing of the Facebook phenomenon of the-fabulous-life-you’re-not-living…but that too few people talk about the swamp, the hairy underbelly, of this entrepreneurial life.

I think I do talk about the challenge more than the pleasure because I’ve established a “space” where I unpack conventional wisdom. That is my format. You have one too — whether it’s in writing or in a product that solves problems or a regular event or even your social media feed. People have come to expect a certain contribution from you. Continuing to support and inform that “format” builds your voice in that space.

There are platforms where it’s always a mom championing the underdog, or a cook working without sugars, or an entrepreneur on the balcony of her five star hotel (showing you what success looks like…ahem.) The topics change, but the conversation should always share a common DNA.

If I wrote about yacht excursions and shopping trips to Paris, maybe you’d still read —but it would be for a different reason.  My format relies on asking questions, pushing back on accepted wisdom — and  — not always having answers.

Your format is your formula. What do you do / say / make / reflect — that no one else does in the same way? Figure it out. Then keep doing it.

There’s a food pantry near me that serves hot meals to people who might not get one during the week. When I watch the director of the program run and operate the kitchen, the thing that strikes me most – beyond his calm, centered demeanor, truly stunning organizational skills, the ability to anticipate and solve every single challenge that arrises, kind but clear directives to everyone in the kitchen and dining room and pantry – is his highly specific instructions to volunteers about plating food. You’d think a hot meal of roasted chicken, macaroni and cheese and fresh spinach salad would be a gift in itself. Nope. Not enough. He wants to see the food plated with care and attention to what color borders what – to what’s hottest and ready to serve – to clean lines and generous portions. The Open Door is a step above a soup kitchen for sure, but still – often when people are on the margins – our standard quickly becomes “well, it’s better than nothing.” Not for Ken.

I was recently in Charleston, South Carolina where I watched a celebrated chef approve (or send back) every single dish that came out. Totally different demeanor (barking, swearing, sweating). Between wiping the sides of a bowl or correcting the crispiness of a pig ear, it had to be perfect. His name is on the door. His New York Times review is at stake. Every night. He cares because he has to hold up a brand for which even he works.

But really, there’s no difference in the results both of these men achieve (their approaches vary wildly!).  Each brings a pride, discipline and discernment to their work. One is famous –  the other an ordinary angel, mostly anonymous to the world at large. But they care. And their teams hover and dance around them with respect and appreciation. Those customers – whether eating off a white tablecloth or linoleum cafeteria table – get their everything.

Do some people / clients / friends / relationships get our best? While others settle for our good enough? When no one is watching, does it matter?

It does.

No matter how close or far you find yourself to events of the past days and months, if you aren’t grieving or enraged, you’re at least baffled by how we got here as a country. So many of us are consumed and distracted by our own challenges and burdens, and then reminded – of course – that a bigger crisis surrounds not only the United States but also the world. We are divided by race. By authority. By religion. By gender. Right now it’s easy to forget what unites us.

What can be done? I have the sensation of watching an accident with no power to stop it, call an ambulance, hold the hand of a victim. But we still have the power to make a positive impact.

We can avoid divisiveness over the daily, the trivial, the low hanging fruit of bad drivers or the mission to be right. We can stop being offended by whatever rubs us wrong.  We can be less demanding, more curious. Less finger pointing, more accountable. There’s no time or room for that now. These tedious conflicts are quickly becoming luxuries.

As small business owners, we can lead a small but powerful movement that chooses to assume the highest possible intention. We have to start somewhere, in small but meaningful decisions, that at the very least don’t add to the rising tension – and at the most – raise the collective consciousness of an important web of voices. Use your  power to lead, change and soothe. Not just publicly and professionally. But privately. Personally. Proactively.

Let’s do that. Starting right now. #yeswecan.

Never give up.
Just be yourself.
Go with your gut.
Just hang in there.
Follow your passion.
It’s meant to be.
Something better will come along.

Many of the monikers above are common refrains from the media, our friends, colleagues – the motivational posters you see at the dentists office. They just sound good, right?  The New York Times recently ran an article titled, “Be Yourself is Terrible Advice” based on the writers experience preparing for a Ted Talk in the Age of Authenticity. Is our collective agreement about what to do when you don’t know what to do…flawed?

Back in the day, when SMARTY hosted monthly panel discussions with entrepreneurs, I asked each speaker to re-think any recommendations around “passion.” The majority of them were surprised at my request – which was – “It will be natural to tell the audience that they have to find their passion and follow it. And it’s not that this is untrue – but it’s not the whole story – and coming from you, it can’t be the pillar you hang your success on, because most likely, it isn’t.” Not one of them ever disagreed. Passion is part of it – but it’s nowhere near all of what keeps us going, builds a successful relationship, business, spiritual practice…

Passion waxes and wanes, and further, we’ve almost become anesthetized to the word’s potency. I would say find your compass is better advice – because it’s more closely connected to purpose. Your compass is a guiding North Star that doesn’t fluctuate based on fatigue, disillusionment, relationship or markets. It doesn’t rely on speed or intensity – just coordinates and direction.

And should you “Just Be Yourself”? – probably not. It’s not specific enough. What we think we’re saying is “don’t be someone else” which may have some merit. But to “just be yourself” doesn’t take into consideration the audience, the format, the end goal. It’s too vague. Which means it’s not that useful.

My favorite is “Never Give Up”  – because sometimes you should give up. Many of us are so committed to this idea that we never give up in the face of dozens of factors begging us to walk away. We don’t give up because that would be… “giving up”(bad!)….not because giving up is actually going to save us, heal us, create a better environment for success, give us our time back, our heart back; give our efforts a more fruitful outlet.

Question the common cliches. They carry some truth’s, some of the time, but they’ve been positioned as highest truth’s – and for that they are misleading. What we want are “laws” that govern a chaotic and unpredictable inner world – so we rely on these. But the better guardrails might look less like a tagline and more like a suggestion.

Maybe less “Just Do It” – and more –  “Let’s try this.”
Not as sexy. But your life isn’t advertising. So the copy doesn’t matter so much.