Big Life

Badassery.

March 1, 2016 · By Amy Swift Crosby

Climbing Kilimanjaro (the hard route!)? Badass. Too bad I can't post my natural childbirth pictures #thebestkindofbadass. Photo credit Kurt Marcus.

When you feel like a badass, life is good. Typically you’ve nailed a project, done something heroic, completed a marathon, landed a gig – whatever. You know it when you feel it. But what if we could badassify our lives a little more? Here’s my rationale: the more you feel like the best version of yourself you can be, the more you exceed your own expectations, and the more you choose yourself when the world would have you another way. When you choose yourself, a positive domino effect ensues. In short, more good sh$t happens.

Here is what helps me channel that feeling on a day to day basis – whether I’ve done anything memorable, exceptional or newsworthy, or not:

1. Surround yourself with teams and people who make you feel like you’ve achieved something – just by being in their company. They don’t have to blow smoke up your….skirt…or do anything other than share air and space and even better, a shared passion or project with you. Just being with people you respect and admire – like a lot – brings out the badass in us.

2. Revisit moments from your life that made you feel limitless and amazing. You can see a couple of mine referenced in the photo. So many of us forget that we’ve blown our own minds!!! It’s worth a trip down memory lane to remember.

3. Disrupt your day to day conversation with people by telling them the good things you see in them. You can start off with, “You know what’s incredible about you?” and then SEE them in the way that only you see them, and tell them about it. “You give the clearest, most actionable feedback anyone could ever hope to get,” or, “You can take the most awkward moment and make it hilarious,” or, “you have the body of Jessica Alba, the intellect of Madeline Albright, the presence of Michelle Obama and the wit of Chelsea Handler.” (If you know anyone like that please introduce us.)

Here’s to being a badass, and not waiting for moments in the sun to feel it. #everydaybadass.
PS. Props to my old friend Jen Sincero who wrote a book on this subject titled, “You are a Badass.” Perhaps you’ve seen it at the airport as it is nowhewwwwge (another Jen-ism.)

We Hate It When Our Friends become Successful.

February 16, 2016 · By Amy Swift Crosby

Well, no we don’t really, but we kinda do.

Here’s the theory on this: we don’t question ourselves when we see Beyonce with her mogul husband and adorable baby on a yacht in Turkey …because she’s too far from our stratosphere to make comparisons. What irks us most – what makes us privately question, berate and condemn ourselves – is the success of those around us, people who are most like us, and near our socioeconomic status – aka – our friends. Why? Because given the same resources and opportunities, she succeeded…and I didn’t.

“You’re wrong,” you’re saying right now, “I’m always happy for my friends!” Yes of course you are…but it’s a trigger, too. The science behind this makes perfect sense. It’s — proximity — more than anything else — that creates the “compare and despair” mentality. The truth is that as our friends become more successful and famous, they typically open doors for us as well – either financially, spiritually or literally. We like that. But let’s be real – it still stings a little to know that you’re the same age-ish, same education, same small town, same training, same opportunity…and not same popular / tax bracket / fame quotient.

Here’s a quickie to get you out of that jam should you find yourself blinded by the glare of unwanted jealousy / resentment / yearning / self-loathing:

When we long for things / status / success we don’t have, we grow poorer, no matter our resources. Every time we feel satisfied with what we have and where we are, we grow richer, however little we may actually have at the time.

I didn’t make that up. It’s from the philosopher Rousseau. No one’s saying don’t be ambitious or strive for more, but agree that what you have is what you wanted. And go from there. And console yourself that at least you and Bey weren’t besties since pre-K.

The Process Is The Answer.

January 26, 2016 · By Amy Swift Crosby

Sometimes you have to pull the wagon and know you're going somewhere good (despite the trailer park.). Image thanks to @denisebovee

Most of us view our days and processes as increments of time toward a finish line, an answer or at least a conclusion.
“If I do this, then X will happen, and I’ll get / feel / know / earn Y.”

That’s natural. I think great meditators and highly conscious people are some of the only ones who don’t do this – as they are wise enough to view the process as the answer, the time as the finish line, and the end of the day as the simple conclusion of the question. But it’s hard to argue that importing your MailChimp contacts or making images for the website or pitching work is as conclusive or exciting as getting funded for an internet show, landing Podcast sponsorship, getting a call from Maria Shriver about….well, anything. One is process toward an end goal, the other is a goal realized.

So how to stay equanimous – and as joyful in the process as in the fireworks? Know that it’s mostly process. And knowing that, make it part of your life’s work – part of a bigger contribution, part of an impact that can only be seen for about a mile, but that resonates for miles and miles. Because it does. That blog you wrote/product you made/speech you gave/video you made? It changed someone’s view. And her family benefited. And her child had a idea because of it. And she slept better that night. And woke up ready to tackle her own miracle. And so forth. You cannot know – it’s impossible – your ultimate, cascading, winding, surprising impact is infinite. But being “in” the process of impact at the very least is a brightening reminder of WHY you do what you do. Let the answer remain elusive. And do it anyway.
This isn’t to say profits don’t matter, strategy doesn’t matter – yes the fundamentals of business are the infrastructure for impact to prevail. Tighten those up! Make them resilient and smart.

Then, do your work.

Deep-ish thoughts on a Tuesday. Why not.

Rebel Rebel.

January 13, 2016 · By Amy Swift Crosby

Photo from www.pleasekillme.com

Real stars are original.
They are inspired by and moved by and informed by other art, culture, poets, writers, leaders – YET… they are totally, radically, uniquely themselves. They don’t imitate.
Many worthy stars are never recognized, and others do something, usually for a long time, with only a little recognition. You get the feeling they’d do it whether anyone was watching, or not.
Others go big – take big stages, draw millions of sales, become household names and references.
But what I love about a David Bowie, for instance, is that he expressed despite disagreement or finger pointing or rejection. He said what he had to say in the way he had to say it. Masculine. Feminine. Androgynous. In Spandex.

That’s brave. That’s rebellious! And that was before digital had the power to take your weirdness and multiply it – in seconds. He did it despite….whatever resistance was there for him.
A real star leaves you with a message, a question or a thought-provoking dream. You can buy it or not, play it or not, read it or not. They’re going to say it whether you’re listening, or not.

As a business owner, you can’t take “promotion” off the table entirely because essentially you’d be muting your message. But what if you just changed the intention from, “how can I sell this?” to “how am I going to express myself today?”

It’s a little more artful.
Long live Bowie. A rebel worth remembering.

Commitments. The Fourth Kind.

January 5, 2016 · By Amy Swift Crosby

Two members of the Polar Bear Club. I live with the crazy guy on the right. See the live action plunge here.

We all make them – but the terms of those commitments vary – and typically fall into three categories…

The short-term ones are day to day. Could be about 40 minutes of cardio, or eating vegan before 5pm, or cycling to work instead of driving, or spending an hour with your child without checking your device. Those are relatively easy, and tend to get easier the more often we do them.

The mid-term ones are saying we’ll be there, and then showing up, or investing in a blog, telling the world, and then posting things, volunteering with people who depend on you. Those are harder – because it’s easy to negotiate out of them – but once in the groove, we tend to stay there.

The long-term ones are the biggies – getting married, having kids, buying real estate, forming partnerships, investing capital, making an effort with relationships – year after year. These ones write the music of our lives because they’re constantly there, reflecting back to us who we are and how we are. In some ways they’re the easiest (you don’t re-decide about them daily) and the hardest (you’re in it…today, tomorrow, the next day…and still….and still!). They reassure us and comfort us, but they’re the ones we take for granted. They anchor us, and provoke us – simultaneously.

But then – there’s the last kind of commitment – the fourth kind. The kind we don’t do enough…
Like deciding that the New Year is best kicked off by jumping into the icy Atlantic, with snow on the ground, and FULLY submerging under water. That one takes commitment AND a little bit of crazy.
It seems to me that we all have one, two and three pretty much covered. But what if we had a monthly wild card, like #4?! Could be in business – or personally – I don’t think it matters. But flexing that muscle seems important as we age and lean toward seeking safety (most of the time.)

Who’s in?!?!?

Happy New Year – looking forward to 2016 with you

Unscripted

December 15, 2015 · By Amy Swift Crosby

The Babylon of Customer Service: Babington House. Image from babingtonhouse.co.uk

Do you feel better when “Reservations” emails your hotel confirmation, or “Freya at Babington House“?

Do you feel better when the agent goes off script and says, “yah I hate it when that happens. Let me see what can be done,” OR, slowly, and much-too-long-windededly, says, “I’m sorry you had that inconvenience today. Let me go through the options on the menu that may help in resolving this issue. Would you mind if I placed you on hold while I review the materials (that I should already have memorized)?.” No one talks like this. Why does Customer Service?

So.
Yes I mind.
I mind that you can’t even talk to me without reading prompts.
I mind that you don’t sound like you’ve ever seen my problem before.
I mind that I can’t ask anyone there a real question without an answer that is pre-rehearsed, pre-recorded, pre-dehumanized…

Have all the policies you want – but package them with flesh and a beating heart, please.

Thank you One Fine Stay for being original. And flexible. And generous. Your policy said no. You said yes.
Thank you flight attendant Rob on the Jet Blue LAX – BOS route for being hilarious – we were patient because of you.
Thank you Tolbot Inn manager Dan who offered to call a friend at a hotel in another city to see if we could stow our bags while we toured for two hours. We didn’t need it. But you offered. And that was money in the bank.
Thanks Brittish Airways for making a miracle happen at 7am and running in heels through security.

Thanks to everyone who doesn’t act like a robot, who feels our humanity, and goes out of their way to make it better.
We’d do the same thing in your shoes, and should.
In the age of automized everything, let’s remain personal – as much as possible. As small business owners we can’t always, but we certainly can a lot.